Making Your Home a Haven - Part 2

Creating a home is not primarily about well-decorated rooms or clean bathrooms. While keeping your home attractive, clean and organized are helpful (I will even venture to say, necessary …we’ll even touch on it during our series) in creating a right atmosphere for a peaceful home, they will not ultimately make your home a “home” (or “haven” as we are talking about in this series).

Making your home a “haven” goes deeper…it goes further…and it takes a lot of work, prayer and trust in the Lord. If you haven’t been following our series on how to make your home a haven, you may want to start here.

During this series we are looking at the following points that are foundational to creating a haven in your home:

Nourishing Your Own Walk with God

Honoring and Respecting Your Husband (which we will talk about today)

Serving (but not being a slave to) Your Children

Nourishing Both Body and Soul

Keeping a clean and orderly home

Providing Plenty of Wholesome, Fun and Creative Family Times

Establishing Some Traditions

So again, grab a cup of tea, pen and paper, and let’s get started!

Today we’re going to look at the next building block:

Respecting and Honoring Your Husband

There are several verses that we could look at, but I want to hone in on I Peter 3 . I asked my husband for his input on this post. He was so sweet to help and gave a lot of good insight - I learned tons from what he said! Here is his “exposition” of the passage that I typed as he talked (with a few thoughts that I injected as I edited this, noted in blue ):

1. Cultivate a Submissive Heart – vs. 3

It is not the outward appearance (“your adornment must not be merely external…” vs. 3) that is most important, but it is your heart that makes all the difference. You can try to please your husband by “acting” a certain way or simply “acting” submissive, but unless you have settled it in your heart, you will not be successful. Submission is a heart attitude that spills over into your actions – it’s not blind obedience or conforming to another’s wishes thoughtlessly. You submit out of your love for God, your love for your husband, and your desire to seek harmony (we’ll talk about this more).

2. Cultivate a Gentle and Quiet Spirit – vs. 4

Women are to adorn ourselves with the “imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit” (vs.4) - and this really goes hand in hand with having a submissive heart. A while back I read in a commentary that “quiet” in this verse means “tranquil”, like a glassy pond with no ripples…undisturbed. The commentator also noted that this is a disposition that is not easily disturbed and does not create disturbances. So basically, this is a calm confidence in the Lord. The kind of quietness of soul can only come about when you are trusting in God’s sovereignty over your life and over the world. It is quietness toward troubles and always gentle toward others…not harsh or abrasive.

3. To Sum it All Up: The Main Point of Submission is to Seek Harmony – vs.8

Near the end of the passage, Peter says, “To sum up, all of you be harmonious…”(vs.8). He is not “picking” on women by telling them to be submissive - what he is saying is, “do this in order to keep harmony!”. If you step back and look at submitting to your husband, it is ultimately about the kingdom of God. Your husband is your brother in Christ and you are to build him up in the Lord, not tear him down with disrespect and dishonor.

Do not think that you can’t express your ideas and opinions to your husband – he appreciates that, even wants that - but you must be willing to submit to his wishes (even if they aren’t your preference), in an attempt to seek harmony.

Lest you think that women have the “bad” end of the deal, Scripture commands all Christians to be “subject” to each other in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21). As brothers in sisters in Christ, one of the most important things we can do to is keep harmony with one another…to put our preferences aside in order to serve someone else.

Here are some practical tips that will help you as you seek to honor and respect your husband:

Don’ts:

1. Don’t forget to spend time with the Lord each day
2. Don’t forget to ask God for His help
3. Don’t criticize your husband in front of others
4. Don’t be harsh or demanding
5. Don’t be impatient with his requests

Do’s:

1. Be sympathetic with his weaknesses
2. Listen to him - stop what you’re doing and face him when he speaks to you. He is your number 1 priority (other than the Lord), so be willing to put aside what you are doing to listen to him.
3. Make his goals your goals – what are husband’s dreams and goals? Make them yours! Help him reach his goals.
4. Praise him – to him and to others. Let him know when he does something well.
5. Pray for him – and let him know you’re praying for him
6. Provide good meals and a clean home – it is tremendously refreshing to your husband to come home to a clean home and a warm meal.

Going over these points with my husband really helped me gain a better grasp of what he appreciated (you may want to sit down with your husband and make a list of things that he appreciates) and shed light on areas that I need to grow in!

Another exercise that I did that was very helpful was to sit down and write a list of things that I am thankful for concerning my husband. Sometimes it just takes sitting down and thinking through all of the things that you husband does and what he means to you and your family to get your perspective on track! Try it out yourself! Here’s a portion of my list:

Reasons that I’m thankful for my husband:

1. He is passionate about knowing the Lord and His Word
2. He is excited about ministering to others
3. He constantly points me to Scripture
4. He loves to joke around with me and makes me laugh!
5. He’s a good sport when I joke with him J
6. He is so patient with me…every day!
7. He hardly ever complains
8. He is consistently sweet and humble
9. He works hard every day to provide for our family
10. He is quick to forgive and overlook my faults

I’m sure there is tons more to be said on this topic, but I just want to challenge you to take a look at yourself and your home to see if honoring and respecting the head of your home, your husband, is the norm (as this is a necessity in making your home a God-honoring “haven”). Seek the Lord for help and start making honoring and respecting your husband a priority in your and your family’s life.