Creating a home is not primarily about well-decorated rooms or clean bathrooms. While keeping your home attractive, clean and organized are helpful (I will even venture to say, necessary …we’ll even touch on it during our series) in creating a right atmosphere for a peaceful home, they will not ultimately make your home a “home” (or “haven” as we are talking about in this series).

Making your home a “haven” goes deeper…it goes further…and it takes a lot of work, prayer and trust in the Lord. If you haven’t been following our series on how to make your home a haven, you may want to start here.

During this series we are looking at the following points that are foundational to creating a haven in your home:

Nourishing Your Own Walk with God

Honoring and Respecting Your Husband (which we will talk about today)

Serving (but not being a slave to) Your Children

Nourishing Both Body and Soul

Keeping a clean and orderly home

Providing Plenty of Wholesome, Fun and Creative Family Times

Establishing Some Traditions

So again, grab a cup of tea, pen and paper, and let’s get started!

Today we’re going to look at the next building block:

Respecting and Honoring Your Husband

There are several verses that we could look at, but I want to hone in on I Peter 3 . I asked my husband for his input on this post. He was so sweet to help and gave a lot of good insight - I learned tons from what he said! Here is his “exposition” of the passage that I typed as he talked (with a few thoughts that I injected as I edited this, noted in blue ):

1. Cultivate a Submissive Heart – vs. 3

It is not the outward appearance (“your adornment must not be merely external…” vs. 3) that is most important, but it is your heart that makes all the difference. You can try to please your husband by “acting” a certain way or simply “acting” submissive, but unless you have settled it in your heart, you will not be successful. Submission is a heart attitude that spills over into your actions – it’s not blind obedience or conforming to another’s wishes thoughtlessly. You submit out of your love for God, your love for your husband, and your desire to seek harmony (we’ll talk about this more).

2. Cultivate a Gentle and Quiet Spirit – vs. 4

Women are to adorn ourselves with the “imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit” (vs.4) - and this really goes hand in hand with having a submissive heart. A while back I read in a commentary that “quiet” in this verse means “tranquil”, like a glassy pond with no ripples…undisturbed. The commentator also noted that this is a disposition that is not easily disturbed and does not create disturbances. So basically, this is a calm confidence in the Lord. The kind of quietness of soul can only come about when you are trusting in God’s sovereignty over your life and over the world. It is quietness toward troubles and always gentle toward others…not harsh or abrasive.

3. To Sum it All Up: The Main Point of Submission is to Seek Harmony – vs.8

Near the end of the passage, Peter says, “To sum up, all of you be harmonious…”(vs.8). He is not “picking” on women by telling them to be submissive - what he is saying is, “do this in order to keep harmony!”. If you step back and look at submitting to your husband, it is ultimately about the kingdom of God. Your husband is your brother in Christ and you are to build him up in the Lord, not tear him down with disrespect and dishonor.

Do not think that you can’t express your ideas and opinions to your husband – he appreciates that, even wants that - but you must be willing to submit to his wishes (even if they aren’t your preference), in an attempt to seek harmony.

Lest you think that women have the “bad” end of the deal, Scripture commands all Christians to be “subject” to each other in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21). As brothers in sisters in Christ, one of the most important things we can do to is keep harmony with one another…to put our preferences aside in order to serve someone else.

Here are some practical tips that will help you as you seek to honor and respect your husband:

Don’ts:

1. Don’t forget to spend time with the Lord each day
2. Don’t forget to ask God for His help
3. Don’t criticize your husband in front of others
4. Don’t be harsh or demanding
5. Don’t be impatient with his requests

Do’s:

1. Be sympathetic with his weaknesses
2. Listen to him - stop what you’re doing and face him when he speaks to you. He is your number 1 priority (other than the Lord), so be willing to put aside what you are doing to listen to him.
3. Make his goals your goals – what are husband’s dreams and goals? Make them yours! Help him reach his goals.
4. Praise him – to him and to others. Let him know when he does something well.
5. Pray for him – and let him know you’re praying for him
6. Provide good meals and a clean home – it is tremendously refreshing to your husband to come home to a clean home and a warm meal.

Going over these points with my husband really helped me gain a better grasp of what he appreciated (you may want to sit down with your husband and make a list of things that he appreciates) and shed light on areas that I need to grow in!

Another exercise that I did that was very helpful was to sit down and write a list of things that I am thankful for concerning my husband. Sometimes it just takes sitting down and thinking through all of the things that you husband does and what he means to you and your family to get your perspective on track! Try it out yourself! Here’s a portion of my list:

Reasons that I’m thankful for my husband:

1. He is passionate about knowing the Lord and His Word
2. He is excited about ministering to others
3. He constantly points me to Scripture
4. He loves to joke around with me and makes me laugh!
5. He’s a good sport when I joke with him J
6. He is so patient with me…every day!
7. He hardly ever complains
8. He is consistently sweet and humble
9. He works hard every day to provide for our family
10. He is quick to forgive and overlook my faults

I’m sure there is tons more to be said on this topic, but I just want to challenge you to take a look at yourself and your home to see if honoring and respecting the head of your home, your husband, is the norm (as this is a necessity in making your home a God-honoring “haven”). Seek the Lord for help and start making honoring and respecting your husband a priority in your and your family’s life.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to get out on the town with your husband once the little ones come along. Not only is your time limited, but so is your wallet! But it’s very important to nourish your relationship with your spouse, SO MAKE TIME! And if scrounging up enough money is a challenge (as it is for many of us), here are some free or very inexpensive date ideas:

1. Thrift Shop Date . Go to a local thrift shop, and allot a small amount of money for each of you to spend. Then split up, being sure to avoid each other, and find something to buy for each other with the money you have. It could be something silly, meaningful, or something you think the other person would really like. When you are finished shopping exchange your gifts somewhere else.

Some fun alternatives

• Try to find something that describes how you feel about your spouse (i.e. a lighter - "you light up my life", etc.)
• Search for something silly that your spouse has to wear in a public place for the rest of the date.

2. Volunteer Together . Help serve at a homeless shelter, or find some other way to volunteer together in your community. You will have a lot to talk about on your way home. Your local newspaper or it’s website may have a list of volunteering opportunities in your area.

3. Popcorn and A Movie. Utilize your local library and borrow movies for free. Or, check out your local Redbox Kiosk, and rent a movie for $1 a night (plus, sign up here and get a free rental). Pop some popcorn, pour some soda, turn off the lights and enjoy!

4. Mad Lib Movie Night . If you can’t seem to find a good movie to watch (it seems like there are fewer and fewer family-friendly movies out there today), do not despair, there’s still fun to be had! Find a movie you’ve seen a billion times, pop it in, then hit the mute button . Take turns speaking for the characters in the movie, saying what you think they are saying. Have fun, and be creative. This can get pretty hilarious!!

5. Coin Flip Date . Go to a historical part of town, or into the city where there are lots of little shops. Start on a corner and flip a coin. "Heads" walk right, "Tails" walk left. Go wherever the coin leads, with no plan at all. Have fun window shopping and sight-seeing. Learn more about each other by the types of stores and places that interest your partner.

6. Guessing Game Date . Before your evening out, go take pictures of places to go, or things to do on your date: picnic, restaurant, sport or activity. Get the pictures developed and seal them individually in separate envelopes. At the beginning of the date, let your spouse pick one of the envelopes, and go wherever the picture is of. Continue opening the envelopes one by one. Let the pictures lead you through your night!

7. Follow Them Date . Go to a busy public place. Pick one person to follow, and go wherever they go. Once you can’t follow that person any more, pick another person to follow. You’re sure to have lots of laughs trying to be discreet while keeping up with your random guides!

8. An evening picnic . Find a quiet place to go, maybe a flower covered field, a sandy beach, or an empty park. Pack a simple snack; sparkling grape juice, cheese, fruit, chocolates. Bring along a portable CD player with some soft music to relax to, and a cozy blanket to lay on. Also bring along some candles and matches. Sit, enjoying your time with each other. Feed each other snacks. Share your thoughts, your dreams. And when the sun drops low, and the stars come out, light the candles and cuddle in each other’s arms. You may find yourself drawn to one another like when you were first dating.

9. Play Together . Playing a sport together is good exercise, and lots of fun (just don’t get too competitive)! Fun ideas: Tennis, Soccer, Basketball, Frisbee, or tossing around a Football. If you don’t own any sports equipment, see if you could borrow from somebody.

10. Kids Play. Just because you are adults now, doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun together at the park. Race each other down the slide, play tag, or make-believe. See who can swing the highest, or jump off the farthest. Laugh, and talk about what you liked to do when you were little kids. This is a great way to get to know more about each other. But please make sure there are no kids there when you go!

11. Enjoy Nature . If you live near the mountains, go for a hike, rock climbing, splashing in a creek, or just exploring. If you live in the city, find a nature trail to walk together, or ride bikes. If you are lucky enough to live near the ocean, take a walk along the beach, hunting for seashells or something.

12. Board Games . Break out the dusty old games in your closet and play together! (Do try to let your husband win occasionally though!)

13. Climb A Building. (I have a hilarious story to go along with this, but I don’t think I’ll go there.) Go to the top of a building in the city on a clear night and look out at all of the beautiful lights. Hint: Go to a tall hotel and see if you can find a way out onto the roof. Tee-hee.

14. Acting Out . Spend the whole evening out together acting like characters from a play, book, or movie that you both enjoy.

15. Find A Nearby Ghost Town. Learn a little of the history of the place. See if you can find any relics or treasures in the dirt.

16. Camping. Even if it’s just in your backyard, this is fun to do! If you don’t have a tent, see if you can find one to borrow. Pack pillows, blankets, music…whatever. If possible, build a bonfire and roast marshmallows.

17. Spontaneous Generosity . This is an interesting idea. Give yourselves a few one dollar bills ($5 or something), walk down a busy street and randomly hand out the bills. Entertain yourselves with the stranger’s reactions of protest or thanks, and be a blessing to someone in the process!

18. Fly Kites. If you don’t have a kite, make one together!! Then go have fun seeing if you can get the kite to fly, or see whose flies the best!

19. Free Local Events . Look in your local paper, or on it’s website in the entertainment section for free events to attend. In the summer time especially there is usually a lot going on.

20. Be Strangers . Show up separately to a public place. Pretend that you’ve never met. At first you go your own ways, but after a while you start to notice each other. Make eye contact, smile, flirt. Act like you would if you were first meeting. You’ll have a blast!

21. Kidnapping . Blind fold your date and take them to an undisclosed location. No peeking! Have a fun event planned for the two of you. A good one is to have a tent all set up somewhere private, and once you’ve kidnapped your spouse and driven to your destination, lead them through the woods still blindfolded, until you reach the camp site. They will have no idea what you are up to!

22. Bookstore Date . If you love book books, this is a great date for you! Peruse books together. Sit down and read comic books or look at pictures from around the world. Get a coffee or latte at the coffee shop. Often bookstores host live folk music, poetry readings, and lectures all for free. I know Master’s Loft have a variety of activities - if you have one in your area you should check them out.

23. College Events . Often colleges have free events you can attend such as lectures, music recitals, art exhibits, and even plays.

24. Truth or Dare . It doesn’t really matter where you go for this date. The fun is in the game!

25. Letter Hunt . For your date, take a camera with you. Go into town, or somewhere where there is a lot of architectural interest. Try to find architectural features that look like letters. See how many pictures of different letters you can find. You can try to find letters to spell out a specific word, or see what letters you find and try to make a word out of them. This project may take a few dates to find lots of letters. When you have taken all of the pictures you want, get them developed in black and white, and frame them spelling out your word, as a reminder of your fun time together. Example:

26. Memory Album: Take crazy pictures together at random places throughout the day. Get the pictures developed at a 1 hr. photo, and go home and make a memory album of the day, to forever remember the fun you had together.

27. Indoor Picnic . If it’s gloomy outside, be creative! Make a nice indoor picnic for you and hubby to enjoy!

28. Lake Date . If you live nearby a lake, take some bread and go feed the ducks. Or, if you have fishing poles, go fishing if it’s free.

29. Visit a Museum . Sometimes Museums have specials when they offer low cost, or free admissions, especially during certain holidays. Check out your local museum’s website, or give them a call, to see what they may have to offer.

30. Arcade . Give yourselves a few dollars to blow on arcade games. You’ll have lots of fun, and $5 worth of quarters may last longer than you think! Hint: Chuck E Cheese is only $.25 per game! And often their website has printable coupons for free tokens with food purchase. Win lots of tickets and buy each other a prize at the end of your date.

31. Watch a Sunset . Go up on your roof, drive to an open field and sit on the trunk of your car, find somewhere to go and watch a beautiful sunset together.

32. Explore A Local Flea Market . Walk around together, browsing and admiring crafts. You may even stumble upon a great deal!

33. Ice Cream Date . Go out together for ice cream. Share a sundae, or find some printable coupons for B1G1 Free treats!!

Well, I hope these suggestions have inspired you to get out and have some fun with your honey. I sure am ready to get out of the house and enjoy some one on one time with my sweetheart!

As homemakers, we are in the prime position to pull out the stops when planning suprises and celebrating Valentines day with our husbands! Isn’t that fun? While hubby is at work, we are home decorating, scheming and rigging surprises. Here are a few ideas of low-cost and fun things that you can do for your husband on Valentines day…

1. Send a homemade card with him in his lunch box (go here for ideas)
2. Note Trail…

Put a note on his stack of clothes for the day
Put a note in his cell phone
Put a note in his pants pockets
Put a note on the mirror to see when he wakes up

3. Candle Light Dinner and make his favorite dish
4. Make his favorite dessert - and utilize any heart-shaped cookware you have!

5. Make an “I love you pail” with chocolate chip cookies (or other goodies) and a note in it
6. Write him a note describing what you love about him (not cheesy stuff, but quality compliments)

7. Start a Love journal (decorate the outside of it with hearts. You’ll write notes to each other in this journal throughout the year and leave it in the same spot for each other to read and write in).
8. Collect all of your love letters from your dating/courting days and either put them in a memory box, scrapbook, or bind them.

Graphics from everystockphoto.com and lovingyou.com

Is there anything we as wives can do for our husbands this week to be a blessing? Sure there is! There are plenty of things we can do! Keep our homes clean and tidy, show our husbands respect by our words and actions, send our husbands a sweet note in his lunch box, etc.

But today, I’d like to challenge you to make his favorite dessert! Men love food, and they especially love desserts! Make this Friday night special by preparing one of his favorite desserts. If you need some inspiration, here are a few dessert recipes:

Chocolate Caramel Almond Cheesecake

Caramel Apple Pie

Homemade Apple Pizza

Deluxe Whole Wheat Strawberry Shortcake

Butter Tarts

Apple Ladder Loaf

Oreo Pudding Dessert

Classic Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

Strawberry Cream Frozen Dessert

BTW - YOU get to eat the dessert too