(The above picture is of my sweet daughter in a “Terrible Two’s” rage.)

An opportunity to train presented itself in my home today, as it does every day. I thought I’d share this moment with you hoping that you may learn along with me.

I was talking on the phone, while trying to put baby Titus in the highchair to eat lunch. Titus began to whine, and put his hand to his ear like he wanted to talk on the phone too. “How cute” I thought. I handed him my old cell phone to occupy him while I finished warming his food. My first mistake was just giving him what he was demanding. I should have begun a lesson on signing “Please”; but that’s a whole other topic. Well, when the food was warmed, and I was ready to sit down to feed him I took the phone away from Titus. He didn’t like this one bit, and proceeded to tell me all about it! He threw his head back in protest and screamed and cried. Shocked, I made a face like “Excuse me!” and said firmly (but lovingly), “No”! Then again without as much emphasis, “No, no.” He continued to cry and reach back toward the table that I had placed the phone on.

Now, I could have said, “Okay, okay. Don’t cry! You can have it.” And out of sympathy, or for my own sanity’s sake, I could have done the easy thing and handed it back to him, just for appeasement. But I realized that this was a training moment. I do not want him to learn that he can manipulate me into giving him whatever he wants by having a fit. So, when he was in the middle of a big cry, I slipped a tiny bit of food into his mouth. Suddenly distracted by the new sensation, he stopped crying and chewed his food. He started to look back again at the phone, but I quickly gave him another bite. I continued to feed him and his mind slowly drifted from the object of his desire. By the time we were done with lunch he had forgotten all about it.

Now this lesson comes in many forms. Babies are incredibly smart, and begin manipulating at an early age. When you begin to lay your baby down in the crib, or for a diaper change, or to put him in his carseat, and he immediately stiffens, whines, cries or protests in other ways, he is trying to manipulate. You cannot give in! If, while lowering him into his crib, he begins to cry even before he’s touched the mattress, and you quickly bring him back up to you to console his crying, you are reinforcing behavior that is going to only get worse, and rear it’s ugly head in other circumstances. You are teaching him that he can get what he wants, and that your word is not the law.

So, I encourage you today to be strong. If you say it’s time to lay down, make it happen. Even if baby cries for a while, he will be fine. And you have begun teaching a valuable lesson, that there is an authority to obey (and it is not the baby!) And if you are about to lay him down, and he begins to protest, and you realize that it hasn’t been that long since he had his nap, don’t change your mind. Still lay him down for a few minutes. And when he is content, you can go and get him up again. He needs to learn to be content wherever he is. As long as he is not hurt, hungry, or wet, he will be fine.

I hope this has been somewhat helpful to you. Remember to be faithful and consistent. This is not only for your benefit, it is mostly for his.

Tags : how to stop a temper tantrum, teaching children not to whine